You Get to Choose Your Own Advice

Humans are great at telling each other what to do… From the earliest philosophers to ancient religious texts, all the way through the rise of the self-help genre and today’s glut of online instruction, there’s a whole universe of “how to” and “you should” out there that applies to just about any problem, niche interest, or lifestyle.

Sure, some things are as simple and useful as a car maintenance video on YouTube or a Reddit thread to troubleshoot a tech issue, but what about all the things that don’t fit into such tidy boxes?

There are COUNTLESS practice routines, diet programs, meditation guides, workouts, financial advisors, business gurus, parenting books, life coaches, mental health tips, hacks, programs, methods, and on and on and on forever and ever…

For context, a quick Google search for “drum lessons” returns nearly 40 million results – and that’s just one angle, reflective of the information overload we all contend with. We have access to so much knowledge, so much advice, so many opinions from the past and present, and more available every day.

While that’s pretty awesome for the pursuit of self-education, it’s also downright cacophonous.

So much noise creates a problem all its own: trying to gain ground or find solutions means wading through a zillion options, and a whole new set of worries about whether we’ve chosen the right option. This leads to option paralysis, increased cognitive load, greater perceived opportunity costs, and all kinds of inaction.

But here’s the thing… There probably isn’t a “right” option – at least not a single one – that’s a perfect fit for the unique individual that each of us are.

I’ve briefly touched on these topics in the past, but I wanted to offer some updated ideas about cutting through chaos – and celebrate the best (and most difficult) part of this whole thing:

YOU GET TO CARVE YOUR OWN PATH.

So… How do you figure out what lessons to take or what habits to build? How do you suss out who to listen to?

Is offering advice about advice too meta?

Defer to Expertise (but not too much)

When you’re looking for good info, expertise is a great place to start – and where I want to start with this list because it’s the prerequisite for the rest.

Without leaning too hard into credentialism, it’s okay to require that the advice you pay attention to comes with some proof. That might mean a degree, an active career in the field you’re aspiring to, a certain skill gap between you and a teacher, or some other kind of tangible results.

With so many versions of talking the talk, it’s important to examine the walking too. This doesn’t mean we should only absorb information from people at the very top of their fields, or that individuals across a spectrum of experience don’t have valuable insights – just that as a method of noise reduction, a baseline of expertise/ability is important.

Like all of the tips here, take everything with a grain of salt…  There are plenty of charlatans out there too, like the folks who rent Lamborghinis and mansions to peddle financial tactics – or less menacing, people who mean well but haven’t kept up with their studies or can’t quite see outside their own pedantic beliefs.

Those competing ideas don’t leave us a whole lot better off than where we started, but there are some context clues that help determine who’s offering legitimate guidance:

• To the Point – If a piece of “advice” (especially in video form) is doing a bunch of waffling, telling you to wait until the end, or beating around the bush without actually addressing the topic at hand, it’s a sales pitch. If they get right down to business, that’s a good sign.

• Demonstrated Ability – Specifically for instrument lessons or other skill-oriented information, can they actually do the thing they’re showing? Are you at least a little impressed? This has some caveats too… For example, an expert gymnastics coach might not be able to do handsprings anymore, but that doesn’t necessarily make the coaching any less sound. In these cases, look to their other results – do they have students demonstrating their effective teaching?

• Humility – Expertise is always a work in progress, and most “real” experts know that. This is more about tone and reading between the lines… But the teachers I admire most aren’t afraid to talk about their own journey or shortcomings, things they still struggle with, or encourage their pupils to experiment and make mistakes. Bashing you over the head with “the ultimate most bestest advice that will solve every problem because I’m so perfect” is a giant red flag.

The short version is this: a valuable teacher or advisor will have some kind of observable track record. This can be as simple as taking relationship advice from someone with a strong, stable relationship of their own.

Make sure that whatever challenge you’re facing, the people you take tips from “have been through it before.” Again, that doesn’t mean it will always be good advice… But this is at least a good baseline expectation.

OKAY. With that out of the way, we can get to the fun part. Assuming that there’s some degree of ability or expertise being provided, here’s where to go next.

Find Personalities that Resonate

The information deluge is bursting with OPTIONS. That’s part of the problem, of course, but can also be an upside.

For anything you might want to learn, there are probably books, YouTube channels, TikTok accounts, podcasts, forums, Subreddits, courses, classes, and other resources built around that subject matter, all presented in a huge range of styles and different points of view.

In addition to seeking a degree of expertise, the next best sorting method has everything do with finding people you like!

It could be an editing style or a tone of voice, the jokes they tell or the way they organize their thoughts, a worldview that aligns with your own, a similarity in age or demographic…

Assuming that the information itself is actually valuable, it’s often better to take advice from someone who resonates with your unique personality. So, when you’re searching for advice (especially online, especially video), follow what captures your attention. For some, it could be whizbang fast talking and loads of excitement. For others, it could be a dry, methodical approach that would bore someone else to tears.

Explore and experiment, and spend your time learning from humans you actually like listening to.

You’re more likely to pay attention, to remember what you learn, and to feel good about the process (instead of slogging through a presentation you hate in pursuit of some magical kernel of wisdom).

Cross Reference

Once you’ve found some sources that have demonstrated expertise, whose personalities and style appeal to you (and maybe some that don’t), you can start assembling a bigger picture based on where ideas overlap.

While you might find one person (a coach, a drum teacher, a financial advisor, etc.) that’s a great fit, you’ll serve yourself in the long run if you look beyond that individual source too.

For in-person advice, that might mean also reading books or listening to podcasts to find topics to ask deeper questions about. For online learning, that looks like watching multiple videos about the same topic(s) and paying careful attention to where the information aligns.

When the same ideas are corroborated by multiple sources, you’ll know you’re getting into the good stuff. When the information seems opposed, that’s a good reason to keep digging, keep cross referencing, and keep working to determine the most applicable advice or information from each source.

It’s not exactly easy, but will take you further than accepting everything you hear at face value.

Mix and Match

Now we’re into the real meat of this idea, my favorite part of the whole shebang.

We’ve looked for clues about expertise, we’ve narrowed down our sources to people we can relate to, and we’ve learned to look for overlap and gaps that tell a more detailed story about what’s really worth paying attention to…

But here’s the hard part for everyone involved:

YOU ONLY HAVE TO TAKE THE ADVICE YOU WANT TO TAKE

That goes for just about everything, really, despite the overt or implied message from leaders and teachers and gurus of all stripes. The true purpose of teaching (formally or informally) is to arm people with information, not to force them to make choices. That’s up to the invidual – for better or worse.

I can tell you all about why rudiments are important for playing drums, the value of internalizing sticking patterns or cool ways they apply to music…

But if you don’t want to practice them, don’t.

You won’t enjoy their benefits as part of your skillset, but that’s your choice too! I regularly learn things about hand technique, take little nuggets into consideration, and all but discard the rest because it doesn’t fit into my current approach…

It’s perfectly okay, advisable even (pun intended), to build your own set of principles from the scraps of others.

Taking a few ideas from Marcus Aurelius doesn’t mean you have to practice staunch Stoicism in every moment of your life. Incorporating a tip about budgeting doesn’t mean you have to follow someone’s entire financial plan to the letter. Learning design principles or taking a writing course doesn’t mean you have to apply those lessons to each and every thing you create.

You could read an entire book about healthy eating, and make improvements to your diet by incorporating 1%, 5%, 50%, or 84.6% of the information you learned. This stuff isn’t zero sum.

If you find one takeaway or a hundred, good information is useful in part or in entirety.

From another angle: one trusted person in your life might guide you toward stability, another might encourage you to take a risk. One music teacher might obsess about the importance of reading sheet music, another might focus entirely on improvisation. They can all be “right” – but only you can determine which is right for you, probably with some stumbling along the way.

You have the beautiful privilege of mixing and matching information into a mindset that is completely unique to you.

This is a squishy concept, I know, but it’s central to finding your own way in the world.

You don’t have to buy into an “ism” hook line and sinker, and can instead piece together ideology that suits you – regardless of whether it fits into a tidy mold or has an easily defined name.

This is exactly what I mean by “you get to choose your own advice.” From hyper-specific skill development to overarching, life-guiding philosophies, only you have the power to decide what you truly connect with. It may even change over time, and that’s well within your realm of decisions too!

The point is to be open to ideas, to be able to determine good ideas from bad, and to consciously decide what advice applies to your own life, to your own mind, to the way you want to exist.

As you move forward with these principles, you’ll find what works and what doesn’t (for you). You’ll come back to old ideas with a new mentality. You’ll discard previous beliefs and adopt other ones.

And all the while, you’ll be learning and growing and honing yourself into the person you want to be.

Action Beats Inaction

A quick word about application.

All of this advice about advice is (hopefully) useful, but hasn’t addressed the integral importance – and preeminence – of action.

Amassing information isn’t the same as using it to your advantage. To stick with a familiar lens of playing drums, you’re better off learning ONE halfway decent thing from a bad teacher and actually practicing it than you are with a masterfully crafted database of all the best lessons that you never work on.

Barring truly terrible advice that puts you in harm’s way, action beats inaction every time. All of the stuff above will help sort through the noise and carve your own path, but should be treated as a work in progress, just like anything else you’re learning.

You don’t need to know everything to get started, and you’ll learn as much from your own experiences as you will from educational resources. They have to go hand-in-hand!

By all means lean on the myriad sources of information we have available in the modern age, but don’t get bogged down in creating the perfect plan or getting everything right before you even begin.

 

We’re all figuring things out all the time. Getting guidance from others – being able to learn through language and mimicry – is one of the great superpowers of our species. It’s tough to know what advice to listen to or whose opinions to follow, but the core point here is that you get to weave your own tapestry out of every thread of information you encounter.

More than “get to,” you have to.

In fact, you already are. I’m just suggesting that you do it more consciously… Or don’t.

It’s up to you.